You did what???

We knew the day would come where Mr. B's car would die. It has been fading slowly. It made lots of noises, the window gets stuck, paint is fading, the acceleration is all weird. It was a good used car that he ran for 5 years, but the time had come. He spent time researching cars and calling dealerships around town. It was obvious that he really wanted a used BMW. He used to have one back in his single days in NYC. Once I saw the first car payment of over $800, I told him he had to sell it. My aunt bought it from him and a piece of his heart has been missing ever since. He had a cut out of a picture of a BMW hanging in our office, like a long lost friend. He found some used BMW's at a dealership in Phoenix so off we went to check them out. He has done so much for our family and although I nag about him quite a bit, he really is amazing. I felt that after driving that junky car for so long and having to drive the MV he really should get something that he enjoyed so I gave my blessing on a used BMW as long as it was less than $15,000. While I sat in the waiting area at the dealership, Mr. B test drove 3 that he liked and then did what he does best....negotiate the bottom line. I hate the back and forth part and just waited for him to figure it out. After over an hour of negotiations, he came over to show me where he got the numbers for 2 of the 3 that he liked. Both very close to what he wanted in price. We went outside and looked at them. One was a black 4 door. Practical, yet nice. The other was a blue convertible. Very nice, but not practical and it had too many previous owners for my liking. The convertible was actually several thousand dollars less that the 4 door because it was an older model. I finally told Mr. B that I was hungry and that since he was so close to the numbers that he wanted to be, that I was going to leave. I told him that it was his decision but that I prefer the black one. I told him to just pick one and drive himself home. With 4 kids we really don't have a lot of days to sit around in car dealerships wheeling and dealing with the sales people so it was now or never for him. I went home and started our 4th of July steaks on the grill and we all anxiously waited for him to surprise us with what he picked. A couple hours later, well after dark, he walked through the front door. "Which one did you get?" , I asked. "Both", he replied. "You did what?" I almost passed out. My legs got weak and my stomach turned. How could he do that? This must be a sick joke! Who buys 2 cars? This is not like buying 2 pairs of shoes, this is 2 CARS! I told him he needed to call the guy and explain that he made a very big mistake and that he would not be taking the convertible. The next morning he called only to be told, too bad so sad. I called my lawyer friend only to be told to read the contract. To make a very long and pitiful story short, we are now the owner of 2 BMW's. What the heck! I will be actively looking for a buyer for the convertible. It is real nice and I'm selling it for $11,500. Anybody interested? I send him to get a car and he brings home 2. That is the last time I do that. How does this stuff happen?

Taking the show on the road

After spending all that time in bed almost dead, I needed to get out of the house. My cousin Mrs. D told me about a great hotel in Phoenix that has a great water park. So we loaded up the familia and took the show the road. It is not often that my in-laws next door and my entire family go somewhere all together. Partly because my mother in law likes to stay home and partly because with the 4th child, we no longer all fit in the MV (mini-van). My sister in law had surgery the week prior to remove a mass that they found in her boob. Thankfully, it turned out to be nothing, but while I was down with my clogged duct, she was down recovering from the surgery. Mr. B really had his hands full caring for so many people during that time. He really came through for everyone. We all needed a little vacation, so we packed everyone up and headed 20 minutes west to the Pointe Hilton. Trying to get 9 people to one place is no easy task and if cameras were following us you would see a lot of yelling in both English and Spanish, crying children, squished abuela in the back row, sweaty Senor M, and Senora X packing up the whole house as though our destination has no water or food. Since we only have an 8 passenger MV, that means someone has to sit on the floor. I know, we are breaking the law and it is very painful for the ever law abiding Mr. B to handle, but what are we to do? I will protect the identity of the person who has to lay on the floor so the cops don't see them while we travel. Just getting there is a challenge. Once there, we had a great time. The girls enjoyed it, I treated my taste buds to a cold beer and everyone seemed to relax for the short time there. Of course, our trip could not end with out some kids of craziness. The last night there, we all went for dinner. Sitting a few tables over was a woman who kept staring at our table. I noticed that she started to breath real heavy and she kept repeating "where is she". She got louder and louder and Senora X and Mr. B also tuned into the woman. She was being restrained by the man and woman at her table. We were finished eating and began to walk back to our hotel room. I heard someone running behind us. I turned around and there was that woman chasing after us. I freaked out and told Mr. B who quickly handed me Miss O. He began to yell at her to stop in his very authoritative voice. Shortly behind the crazy lady was they woman who was at the table with her. The crazy lady was still breathing heavy and was looking straight at Miss P saying "there she is". It was so freaky. The friend of the crazy lady said that she sees fire around my children. I got really upset and started yelling at the crazy lady that my kids were safe, and that there is no fire on my children. Mr. B told us to go to the room while he stayed behind to figure out what the hell was wrong with the lady. Apparently the woman claims to see visions and she told Mr. B that there was going to be a fire in our home and that we needed to keep a close eye on our children. She also told him not to work on the 4th of July and stay close to his children. It was so bizarre and it really made me mad. We were all pretty shook up about it. I'm not into psychics, palm readers or any of that stuff, so I was really pissed how she frightened my children who kept asking what was wrong with that lady. Once back in the room we got everyone settled and ready for bed. Mr. B pulled the sheets back only for a big cockroach to scatter across the bed. What a great way to end the night! Since he was still a little shook from the crazy lady, the poor roach had no chance as he beat the heck out of it with his shoe. By morning, we were all ready to get home as we had all had enough excitement. The hotel gave us one free night for the roach and we were back to the comfort of our home by 10 am. Until next time.

Why don't they tell you this in sex ed class?

Beware, this entry is gross. Not for the easy to be queasy.
As the days after having Rio went on, my body went through some pretty crazy things. The first few days I felt fabulous, possibly from the high of just having a precious baby. Then about the 3rd day when my milk came in things went pretty south...literally. I had aches all over. My back, my legs, my arms....everything hurt. Of course my boobs were about to blow up as well. After 4 days with no bowel movement, Mr. B started drugging me up on fiber drinks. After well over a half an hour on the potty, tears running down my face, beads of sweat gathering on my forehead, and the sound of a crying baby in the other room, I delivered another child. This time out of my butt. OMG, I thought I was going to die right there on the toilet. Why oh why must a woman who is so regular have to have her schedule interrupted simply because she had a baby. Hadn't my body been through enough? To add insult to injury during that whole traumatic experience I thought my uterus had fallen out of my va-j-j. It was just horrible. I had to call the doc and tell her my organs were falling out of my body. She was no where near as alarmed as I was and said she would check it out at my next appointment 2 days later. Why was my body falling apart. I'm only 30! Anyhow, after getting all checked out, I was assured my organs were not falling out, instead it was just some swollen tissue. With everything in my entire body giving up on my, it was only natural for me to get a clogged milk duct just a few days later. Now, clogged milk ducts come with flu like symptoms, fever, chills, aches, and of course excruciatingly painful boobs. The only way to clear a clogged duct is to keep feeding the baby. For 2 days I was lifeless in bed. Mr. B had to carry me to the tub to get my fever down, and bring me the baby long enough to eat while I cried the whole time in pain. My head throbbed like I was being beat with a 2 x 4. I tried everything, Tylenol, Epson salt baths, shower, hot water, cold water, change nursing positions, Vitamin C, water, rest. I even nursed on all 4's to allow gravity to help a bit while Mr. B helped balance me. I was a mess. By the 3rd day it started to clear up and slowly but surely I began to feel better. It has been a week now, and as of this very moment, nothing else in my body has shut down. I really cannot think of any body parts that are left to fail me. So not fair.

The placenta

After the umbilical cord was cut, I was helped out of the birthing tub to deliver the placenta. Since I had a home birth, I was given the option to keep my placenta. Why the hell would you want to keep your placenta, you ask? Well, apparently there a lot of things you can do with it. You can make a soup with it and eat it, you can plant it under a tree for nourishment, you can grill it (haha, that last one was a joke). Anyhow, I decided that I wanted to plant it under the apricot tree so that next season, everyone can share in the "fruit of my labor". I bet they are gonna be the biggest, juiciest, apricots in AZ! Now I am sure that you are beside yourself hoping that you get a chance to have apricots from my tree, so go ahead and email your pre-order. Mr. B was such a nice guy to dig the hole for me. He is the best!